Growing Pains: Embracing Change Within Your Friendships

Friendships are an integral part of our lives, providing support, companionship, and shared experiences. However, as we journey through life, friendships naturally evolve and sometimes even come to an end when we never thought they would. Navigating these changes can be challenging, especially when faced with hard truths such as not receiving the same energy we give or vice versa, feeling in competition, or witnessing friends invest effort into other relationships they don’t invest into yours. Throughout this post, we will explore ways to brainstorm areas of growth in any relationship, come to terms with current realities, embrace hard truths, and prioritize our own energy and well-being.🧘🏼‍♀️

Before we begin, let’s check-in with ourselves. Envision all your friendships and connections in your mind’s eye. Your life partner, your coworkers, your family, your closest friends turned family, your acquaintances, the friends you’ve “broken up” with over the years, and the new connections you’ve made recently. While going through your mental list, notice the feelings that come up. There will be happiness, excitement, fondness, joy; there may also be disappointment, sadness, hurt, or anger. If you are facing challenges in your relationships or life in general, try out this Moral Compass activity by Kiki Ely, author of Find Your Peace - A Workbook for A More Mindful Life:

🧭 Step 1

Look up or write down a list of ethics and values such as: respect, kindness, authenticity, diligence, patience, etc. that you feel strongly connected to and passionate about.

Once you have a decent sized list, go through and circle the ones you feel the most aligned with. You must circle at least 8 to complete the activity.

🧭 Step 2

Now, take a second sheet of paper and draw a compass. Label all eight directions.

North: Your True North, this is what your highest self is always striving towards.

East, South, & West: Your Non-Negotiable's, these are actions and experiences you need to have in your life to achieve your True North

NE, SE, NW, & SW: Your Guides, these get you going in the right direction but aren’t always deal breakers.

🧭 Step 3

Look back at what you circled. Choose your True North first, this will be the most important to you. Then, choose your Non-Negotiables, these will be your deal-breakers. Lastly, choose your Guides, the ones you appreciate but don’t need to have in your life 100% of the time.

🧭 Step 4

Now that you have a visual of your inner Moral Compass, use it as your guide for navigating the waters of your personal challenges, experiences, and friendships to ensure you stay on course with your soul purpose.

Putting your experiences to the test

💜 Start with your Guides:

Does it uphold any of these ideals? Take note of which ones it does and/or doesn’t. Some situations don’t need to pass this level at 100% - you get to be the judge.

💜 Move onto Non-Negotiables:

Have there been actions and experiences within the situation that embody all of them? If yes to all, it moves on to True North. If no to some/all of them, is there reasonable course correction you can take to align the situation? If yes, it moves on to True North. If no, or if all reasonable course correction has been tried unsuccessfully, it’s time to evaluate whether it still belongs in your life at the same level of importance.

💜 End with True North:

If it gets this far, it will more than likely be upholding your True North, but not all situations are the same. Ponder on how it aligns you with your most important truth. If you find that it doesn’t, it no longer belongs in your life at the same level of importance.

Your energy is the most valuable when it is spent on the people and situations that strongly support your Moral Compass. This exercise is not meant to justify cutting people/situations off willy-nilly, but rather to center your mind and ground your body in your True North when you feel stuck in uncomfortable situations. Keep an open mind - put yourself to the test as well to make sure you are holding yourself accountable for the areas you need growth. 💕

Now that we’ve done some reflecting, let’s take a deeper look at a few of the most common challenges that impact friendships and ways we can go about finding resolution.

⚖️ Acknowledging the Unbalanced Energy Exchange

One of the hardest truths to accept is that not everyone will reciprocate the same level of energy we invest in a friendship. It can be disheartening to realize that the effort we put into maintaining a connection is not being met with the same enthusiasm. However, understanding that this imbalance is not a reflection of our worth or value is crucial. Instead of seeking validation from others, focus on self-care and surround yourself with those who appreciate and reciprocate your energy. If you feel comfortable, have a conversation about how you’re feeling with the person. Most of the time they will be completely unaware and will value what you have to say. Communication is key to resolving unbalanced energy. 🔑

🏆 Embrace Healthy Competition Instead of Comparison

Feeling in competition with friends can be emotionally taxing, as it may create a sense of comparison and inadequacy. However, it is essential to reframe this perspective and view healthy competition as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Instead of allowing competition to strain friendships, use it as motivation to pursue personal goals and celebrate each other's successes. Remember, true friends support and uplift one another, even in competitive situations. Social media can be a huge trigger for self-comparison. Check in with how you’ve been using platforms like Instagram and Facebook to see if it’s helping or hurting.

➡️ One-Sided Friendships

Realizing that a friendship is one-sided can be painful, especially when we have invested significant time and effort into nurturing the relationship. However, it is vital to acknowledge that not everyone will prioritize us in the same way we prioritize them. Rather than dwelling on the one-sidedness, focus on cultivating relationships that bring joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with individuals who appreciate your presence and actively contribute to the friendship. This situation is similar to unbalanced energy, and communicating how you feel before accepting the one-sidedness can go a long way in repairing the relationship. Other times, your priorities may have changed and no longer align, in which case acceptance and shifting your energy will be the best way to resolve the feelings within yourself.

🌊 Understanding Friendships Evolve

Friendships, like all relationships, undergo changes and transformations. As people grow and evolve, their needs, interests, and priorities may shift. It is natural for friendships to change or even end as a result. Instead of clinging to what once was, embrace the opportunity for personal growth and new connections. Understand that some friendships may have served their purpose during a specific period of your life, and it is okay to let them go gracefully.

✨ Prioritize Your Energy

Ultimately, the most important lesson in navigating evolving friendships is to prioritize your own energy and well-being. Not everyone deserves the same level of investment and attention. Surround yourself with friends who reciprocate your energy and bring positivity into your life. Focus on building relationships that align with your Moral Compass. By choosing to invest in yourself and surrounding yourself with uplifting connections, you create space for new and fulfilling friendships to flourish.

Navigating the emotions that come with any relationship change can be challenging, but it is an essential part of personal growth and self-discovery. Embracing these realities with grace allows us to prioritize our energy and well-being, cultivating relationships that bring joy and fulfillment. Remember, not everyone is deserving of your energy, no matter how much you may want them in your life. Choose to invest in those who uplift and reciprocate, and embrace the journey of evolving friendships with an open heart and a positive mindset.

-AIR, 6.19.24